You Need to Learn the Science of People.

Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with PeopleIt’s June so that can only mean one thing at DTSpade: Summer Book Club! Each summer we read a book (or two in this case) that relates to one of our company’s Core Values. The main value that we’ll be focusing on this summer is (I + MY NEIGHBOR) / LOVE because, as briefly mentioned, we have split into two groups to read two different books and teach each other what we’ve learned. We’ll also be keeping our core values in mind for each individual chapter. Each Tuesday for 12 weeks we’ll get together, share our notes and post them here for you to follow along.

Check out our other Summer Book Club option – The Power of Moments, a book on creating memorable experiences.

So let’s jump right in with…


Chapter 1 – Control: How to win the social game

  • How in tune are you with others?
    • There is a quiz in the introduction of this book that helps you define your PQ (interpersonal intelligence).
    • People with a high PQ make on average $29,000 more per year than people with an average score.
  • Network where you feel the most comfortable. And can be yourself. Say NO to other events.
    • Bars, Cafes, Conferences, Networking Events, Dinner Parties, etc.
  • Who’s in your support network? Your team?
    • Winger – a person who can join you on a social adventure. They help you feel more comfortable and shares your desire for growth.
    • Riser – a person who you want on your team. A peer or new friend that you want to bring in closer and level up the relationship.

Chapter 2 – Capture: How to make a killer first impression

“We decide if we believe someone, if we like someone, and if we trust someone before we have even heard him or her speak”

  • THE TRIPLE THREAT: Make a powerful first impression by nonverbally hacking all three levels of trust.
    • Level 1: Are you friend or foe? – Confirm trust by showing your hands and shaking hands.
    • Level 2: Are you a winner or loser? – Be a winner with your Launch Stance.
    • Level 3: Are you an ally or an enemy? – Use the eye contact 60 to 70 percent of the time.

Chapter 3 – Spark: How to have dazzling conversations

  • The death of small talk. Use unique talking points to create pleasurable conversations.
    • Memorable
    • Exciting
    • Significant
  • STEP #1: Conversational Sparks ignite new ideas, introduce new topics, stimulate in-depth topics.
  • STEP #2: Push Hot-Button Issues
  • STEP #3: Wake people up. Be unique by being yourself.

BONUS: The Name Game

Chapter 4 – Highlight

  • Ask DOPAMINE level questions​
  • Honor them by listening​
  • Highlight the things that they really key in on​
  • Pygmalion Effect – Tell me who I am to you and I’ll be that​
  • Use introductions as a chance to rave about someone​
  • GOLD STARS – Don’t try to impress others, have them impress you​
  • BEING MEMORABLE: How you respond to what you hear

Chapter 5 – Intrigue: How to be ridiculously likable

  • Lewis Howe- top WR with career ending injury and the story of how he used LinkedIn to create a connection business
  • Similarity-Attraction effect- Me Too vs. Not Me
  • Establishing commonalities is a three step process
  • Step 1: Create threads
    • People (mutual contacts)
    • Context (why are you in the same room)
    • Interests (topic you both know a lot about)
  • Step 2: Ask the 5 whys
  • Step 3: Create ties by offering help, support, and advice (only used for special interactions)

Chapter 6 – The First Five Hours

  • Microexpressions: a brief, involuntary facial expression that humans make when they feel an intense emotion.
  • 7 microexpressions:
    • Anger, contempt, happiness, fear,   surprise, disgust, sadness,
  • Once you know how to read them, you can spot hidden emotions, then respond accordingly.
  • Trust your instincts. We are wired to read microexpressions.

Check back on July 17 for the next installment.